caithion: (Spike (ffl))
I desperately needed some Dr. Boli tonight<3


Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] drboli_rss at DAILY CONCLAVE ANNOUNCEMENTS.

The American cardinals who have been gathering over by the chimney to smoke those foul cigars are requested to put them away until after the conclave. The fumes are likely to cause all manner of unfounded speculation in the media.


A silver cufflink with a Masonic symbol on it was found in the dining hall after lunch this afternoon. The owner may reclaim it at the confessional.


All votes for tomorrow’s breakfast menu are due by midnight tonight. The kitchen staff have been instructed not to serve breakfast at all if no agreement can be reached.


Just a reminder to all cardinals that all cell phones must be left with the Pontifical Curator of Electronics for the duration of the conclave. A special Angry Birds station has been set up next to the coffee maker for the use of all cardinals on a first-come, first-served basis.


Proper attire is required at all times. The mere fact that television cameras are not admitted is no excuse for slovenliness. If you are in doubt as to whether the slogan on your T-shirt may be considered offensive and thus unacceptable, please refer the matter to the proper committee.


This evening’s papal ballot is sponsored by Lady Carey’s Decorator Matches, the only decorator matches classy enough for lighting papal ballots. Use Lady Carey’s Decorator Matches for every ecclesiastical application and bring a little class back into your cathedral.


Thank you for listening to your daily conclave announcements. The Father Ted marathon here on VTV Channel Two will resume immediately after the closing prayer.

caithion: (are you listening!?)
http://drboli.wordpress.com/?p=2776

OUR YOUNG PEOPLE are writing with greater enthusiasm and frequency than ever before, largely because of the prevalence of text messaging in the youth culture of today. Yet the abysmal literary quality of these communications has often been remarked. Dr. Boli is of the opinion that this deficiency is to be attributed to the lack of good models, such as were readily available when he was a young man in the form of “standard letter-writers,” collections of letters for every common circumstance. In this occasional series, Dr. Boli attempts to fill that gap by providing useful examples to show how the art of text messaging might be raised to a higher standard.

-

Letter from a Gentleman to a Lady, disclosing his passion.


-

MADAM,

It cannot have escaped your notice that the considerable merits of your person and conversation have attracted my attention, and indeed on more than one occasion I have ventured to speak with you, however briefly. Having been moderately pleased by these encounters, I have resolved to declare my sentiments of affection for you, confident that in doing so I am making a rational decision that is reasonably likely to redound to the happiness of both of us.

You will doubtless be happy to know that I have done my “due diligence,” as the lawyers say, and have not entered into this enterprise lightly. When my attention was first attracted in your direction, I took some care to ascertain that you were indeed the sort of young lady to whom it would be suitable to pay such respects as I now express to you. For the preliminary survey, I was fortunate to be able to rely on the assistance of an acquaintance who is employed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and please let me be the first to say that I find nothing unforgivable in your negligible criminal record. Judging by the police reports, I do believe that hot-dog vendor had it coming to him.

Having made these brief investigations, I determined to find out whether you were indeed the sort of person with whom it might be tolerable to share a household. It was, of course, essential that you should not observe me as I made my own observations, so that your behavior should be as natural and unaffected as possible. For this purpose the maple trees that give your house such delightful shade in summer proved eminently suitable. After weeks of observation, I determined that you had a charming way of attacking a grapefruit, that you did not leave the sink a revolting mess after brushing your teeth, and that you cheated only moderately on your income tax. In short, my judgment was on balance favorable to you.

Trusting, therefore, that you will grant me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience, I now sign myself,

Your affectionate admirer and sincere friend,
[Name.]
caithion: (are you listening!?)
http://drboli.wordpress.com/?p=2776

OUR YOUNG PEOPLE are writing with greater enthusiasm and frequency than ever before, largely because of the prevalence of text messaging in the youth culture of today. Yet the abysmal literary quality of these communications has often been remarked. Dr. Boli is of the opinion that this deficiency is to be attributed to the lack of good models, such as were readily available when he was a young man in the form of “standard letter-writers,” collections of letters for every common circumstance. In this occasional series, Dr. Boli attempts to fill that gap by providing useful examples to show how the art of text messaging might be raised to a higher standard.

-

Letter from a Gentleman to a Lady, disclosing his passion.


-

MADAM,

It cannot have escaped your notice that the considerable merits of your person and conversation have attracted my attention, and indeed on more than one occasion I have ventured to speak with you, however briefly. Having been moderately pleased by these encounters, I have resolved to declare my sentiments of affection for you, confident that in doing so I am making a rational decision that is reasonably likely to redound to the happiness of both of us.

You will doubtless be happy to know that I have done my “due diligence,” as the lawyers say, and have not entered into this enterprise lightly. When my attention was first attracted in your direction, I took some care to ascertain that you were indeed the sort of young lady to whom it would be suitable to pay such respects as I now express to you. For the preliminary survey, I was fortunate to be able to rely on the assistance of an acquaintance who is employed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and please let me be the first to say that I find nothing unforgivable in your negligible criminal record. Judging by the police reports, I do believe that hot-dog vendor had it coming to him.

Having made these brief investigations, I determined to find out whether you were indeed the sort of person with whom it might be tolerable to share a household. It was, of course, essential that you should not observe me as I made my own observations, so that your behavior should be as natural and unaffected as possible. For this purpose the maple trees that give your house such delightful shade in summer proved eminently suitable. After weeks of observation, I determined that you had a charming way of attacking a grapefruit, that you did not leave the sink a revolting mess after brushing your teeth, and that you cheated only moderately on your income tax. In short, my judgment was on balance favorable to you.

Trusting, therefore, that you will grant me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience, I now sign myself,

Your affectionate admirer and sincere friend,
[Name.]
caithion: (Hinata San)
PRACTICAL STANDARD LETTER-WRITER.

OUR YOUNG PEOPLE are writing with greater enthusiasm and frequency than ever before, largely because of the prevalence of text messaging in the youth culture of today. Yet the abysmal literary quality of these communications has often been remarked. Dr. Boli is of the opinion that this deficiency is to be attributed to the lack of good models, such as were readily available when he was a young man in the form of “standard letter-writers,” collections of letters for every common circumstance. In this occasional series, Dr. Boli will attempt to fill that gap by providing useful examples to show how the art of text messaging might be raised to a higher standard.

-

A Young Gentleman at School, Thanking His Mother for a Packaged Luncheon.

-


Beltzhoover Elementary, January 24, 20—.


My dearest mother,

Though I needed no token to recall you to memory, and indeed it would be impossible that any material demonstration of your affection could cause me to hold you in more sincere esteem than I do already, yet the excellent luncheon of which I have even now only just completed the consumption, and which was as delightful to the gustatory and olfactory senses as it was nourishing, has occasioned me to dwell with even greater earnestness on all your past favors, and to marvel once again at your ceaseless attention to my comfort and happiness. I may tell you in confidence that the luncheons you provide me, which by their very appearance testify to the many minutes of loving care you have lavished on their preparation, have aroused no little envy among the other students in (Mr./Ms./Miss/Mrs.) (name of teacher)’s kindergarten class; but I am happy to say that the good nature of the children, and the patient but firm leadership of their teacher, have prevailed, and that their envy has expressed itself rather in friendly congratulations to me than in any of those unbecoming species of behavior that so marred my otherwise enjoyable experience of nursery school last year. I am sure I need not tell you how grateful I feel for this fresh mark of your maternal devotion, as I trust you will give me credit for those filial feelings which are appropriate to a boy who has received such a singular demonstration of his beloved parent’s affection.

As for myself, and what has happened to me since I departed from you at the bus stop this morning, I have little to report. I continue to enjoy excellent health, and nothing has occurred to cast a cloud over my general happiness, so that I am confident of meeting you this afternoon in a state of good cheer appropriate to one who has received far more than he can ever hope to repay from his beloved mother. With my best duty to my father, believe me,

My dear mother,
your ever dutiful and obliged son,
(name).
caithion: (Hinata San)
PRACTICAL STANDARD LETTER-WRITER.

OUR YOUNG PEOPLE are writing with greater enthusiasm and frequency than ever before, largely because of the prevalence of text messaging in the youth culture of today. Yet the abysmal literary quality of these communications has often been remarked. Dr. Boli is of the opinion that this deficiency is to be attributed to the lack of good models, such as were readily available when he was a young man in the form of “standard letter-writers,” collections of letters for every common circumstance. In this occasional series, Dr. Boli will attempt to fill that gap by providing useful examples to show how the art of text messaging might be raised to a higher standard.

-

A Young Gentleman at School, Thanking His Mother for a Packaged Luncheon.

-


Beltzhoover Elementary, January 24, 20—.


My dearest mother,

Though I needed no token to recall you to memory, and indeed it would be impossible that any material demonstration of your affection could cause me to hold you in more sincere esteem than I do already, yet the excellent luncheon of which I have even now only just completed the consumption, and which was as delightful to the gustatory and olfactory senses as it was nourishing, has occasioned me to dwell with even greater earnestness on all your past favors, and to marvel once again at your ceaseless attention to my comfort and happiness. I may tell you in confidence that the luncheons you provide me, which by their very appearance testify to the many minutes of loving care you have lavished on their preparation, have aroused no little envy among the other students in (Mr./Ms./Miss/Mrs.) (name of teacher)’s kindergarten class; but I am happy to say that the good nature of the children, and the patient but firm leadership of their teacher, have prevailed, and that their envy has expressed itself rather in friendly congratulations to me than in any of those unbecoming species of behavior that so marred my otherwise enjoyable experience of nursery school last year. I am sure I need not tell you how grateful I feel for this fresh mark of your maternal devotion, as I trust you will give me credit for those filial feelings which are appropriate to a boy who has received such a singular demonstration of his beloved parent’s affection.

As for myself, and what has happened to me since I departed from you at the bus stop this morning, I have little to report. I continue to enjoy excellent health, and nothing has occurred to cast a cloud over my general happiness, so that I am confident of meeting you this afternoon in a state of good cheer appropriate to one who has received far more than he can ever hope to repay from his beloved mother. With my best duty to my father, believe me,

My dear mother,
your ever dutiful and obliged son,
(name).
caithion: (Default)
AHAHAHAHAH.

Dr. Boli's never fails:

caithion: (Default)
AHAHAHAHAH.

Dr. Boli's never fails:

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